Dissidia Madness
by sheerstyle
Summary: the final fantasy cast collides in this hilarious crossover. includes some other popular square enix characters.
1. Chapter 1: Just the begining

**Dissidia Madness**

Chapter 1: Just the beggining

A/N: Yeah i know its in the wrong section but none of the sections really fit the category. Final Fantasy 7 characters play big roles in this story so dont think its like final fantasy 8 in the final fantasy 7 category.

The school bells rung and the busy bodies moved about. Balam Garden was known or its beautiful setting. Despite hearing the bell for passing period a man dressed uniquely sat on a bench his eyes locked on the near by women.

"Irving are you staring at the freshman again? Your going to be a senior next year have some dignity"

the sound of the approaching woman's voice pierced his ears as he turned to the sight of a beautiful blonde lady. Her sky blue eyes were shielded by a pair of glasses and her milky skin was complimented by her garments and excellent physique.

"Your right I should be looking at girls like you Quistis"

Irving gave her a perverted smile which was met by a text book going across his head.

"Get to class you" Quistis was blushing slightly as she urged him on. He proceeded into the class all the while continuously staring at the girls.

(In class)

"It's about time you showed up Irving don't tell me you were staring at the babes again" a man teased right as he walked in.

The class was full of familiar faces from the previous adventures. Irving took his seat next to his inquiry.

"Well at least im not dumb enough to get a tattoo on my face Zell" Irving countered and after laughing the two slapped hands they were obviously friends.

"Zell theres no eating in class!" Rinoa exclaimed enthusiastic about following the rules.

"Calm down teacher's pet, this hot dog's just about finished anyways." Zell answered casually before taking another bite.

Just as his teeth sunk into the bread Quistis opened the door and stopped in her tracks her eyes locked on Zell.

"Get that hot dog out of my damn classroom Zell!"

Quistis unraveled her whip and popped the hot dog out of Zell's hand. Zell shrieked and wasted condiments all over the floor.

"And clean up that mess!" Quistis begin swinging her whip signaling a second strike which was all the motivation Zell needed to quickly make his way to the trashcan dodging the whip just in time.

"See" Rinoa simply said and Zell shrugged.

"teacher!!! I need to pee!" a young girl wined until she was heard

"go ahead Selphie, as for the rest of you id like to see last nights homework. If you decided not to do it or cheated expect 7 licks from my whip" Quistis cracked the ground and the students began digging through their bags hastefully.

"We aren't in a circus if I don't see some homework some asses are going to get scarred"

Quistis made her way around the room.

Just then the students turned to the loud sound of the door opening. A woman entered the room her appearance was rather trashy with a revealing white shirt that barely touched her belly button. She wore a black skirt that barely past her inner thighs and her hair was held back in a pony tail.

"Your late Tifa and you violating the dress code" Quisis crossed her hands.

"Yeah well today's laundry day" Tifa sat in her seat across from a blonde haired man whom continuously stared at her.

"I noticed you didn't greet me today Tifa" he finally spoke up

"Yeah well you didn't think id be on your nuts forever did you cloud?" Tifa snapped at him

"hahahaha I was waiting to hear that" Irving was tickled.

"W-what? But I thought that-" Cloud was cut off by another witty reply

"you thought Id be waiting around like a spare tire? I don't even know why I was stuck on your ass your dick is only four inches long" Tifa told him off and the class ate it up with heavy laughter and instigation.

"w-well at least Aerith doesn't dress like a slut" Cloud grabbed anything he could find.

"Aerith may not dress like one but that bitch puts out big time" Squall shouted from the back of the room

"What!? Aerith is the most faithful girl ever!" Cloud tried desperately to convince himself until Gilgamesh suddenly stuck his head in the window

"Nuh uh that bitch aint faithful, best pussy I ever had" he stopped to savor Clouds misery for a moment before departing again as usual. Even Quistis began to snicker at Clouds little world falling apart.

"No…" he said to himself quietly.

"Alright kids that's enough open your books to page twelve" Quistis ended his agonizing quickly. Selphie entered the room again and skipped to her seat. Irving leaned over to Zell and whispered in his ear about Selphie "see that, a white girl with a black girl's ass" Zell laughed to himself and Selphie looked confused at the two.

(P.E. Class)

"Hey Seifer look its Sora's punkass" Ryujin pointed in the kids direction

"that twerp hasn't paid me yet" Seifer rubbed his chin arrogant as ever.

"Fuck with him" Fujin suggested as the trio began approaching him.

"Well if it isn't the key blade master" Seifer and his crew towered over the young and naïve freshman.

"Oh hey what's sup Seifer" Sora responded cheerfully and reached his hand out inviting a shake.

"I'm not your friend dumbass" Seifer knocked his hand away before pushing him into his locker causing loud noise also drawing the attention of their peers.

"Oh shit looks like Sora's going to get beat up again" Squall instigated.

Sora covered his head and began calling out for his friends

"Donald! Goofy!" his cries were unanswered and the impatient Seifer reached out his hand.

"You haven't paid me yet, I thought we made it clear that your lunch money is mine to spend!" Seifer yelled freighting Sora.

"Please you have to understand I gave my money to Roxas he would've killed me if I didn't!" Sora searched Seifer's eyes for mercy but was instead shoved out of the way by Ryujin.

"well Ryujin and Fujin are going to check your locker maybe we can find something useful to make up for your mishaps." Seifer smiled savoring the laughter of his peers.

"What the fuck is this shit!?" Fujin yanked out a folder containing Yu-gi-oh cards she continued to trash his belongings by scattering them across the floor.

"My blue eyes white dragon!" Sora leaped for his card and just as he grabbed it Ryujin yanked it from him

"yugayho cards are you serious? Give me this shit" he ripped it to shreds and dropped the pieces in Sora's hair.

"Wait guys, lets take these cards and sell them back to his bitch ass" Seifer picked up his collection and put them in his pocket.

"You can't do this my friends are my power!" Sora cried out proudly and everyone laughed at his pathetic statement.

"Alright kid if you want these back your going to have to pay me a dollar for each one and I've counted 50 so far" Seifer spoke calmly after finding a way to get money out of Sora.

"Alright Seifer you've had your fun leave Sora alone you know he can't fight" Kairi walked over to Sora and helped him up.

"Damn Sora saved by a girl?" Wakka called from the crowd. Seifer and his crew walked off they had got what they wanted and soon the crowd left as well until Sora and Kairi were finally alone.

"Thanks Kairi I was in a total pinch" Sora laughed but Kairi was unusually quiet.

"Sora I need to tell you something" She gave him a dead serious expression.

"Is it about the paopu fruit?"

"No" she walked toward the door. "We need to break up Sora" She caught him by surprise just as she anticipated.

"B-but Kairi what about the paopu fruit" Sora argued,

"I don't give a fuck about Paopu Fruits, the world doesn't revolve around them Sora and neither do relationships. It's just that your not manly enough im sorry Sora I already have a pussy I don't need another one, good bye" Sora's heart stopped as he reached for her image quickly leaving out the door.

(Passing Period)

"Ha-ha you should've seen the look on Cloud's face when Tifa told him off" the highly amused Baret shouted.

"I don't care" The long haired associate replied but he continued to listen. "Hah maybe that's because you're a tool Vincent" Baret replied and walked off.

"A tool?" Baret left Vincent in confusion as he caught up to Tidus.

"Hey Tidus you missed out man Cloud just got his ego torn apart by Tifa" Baret shouted

"oh what? Ha-ha I couldn't make it I was helping Yuna with her hangover." Tidus was amused by Clouds dismay.

Vincent approached the two

"who cares about that" He contradicted himself.

"im not your friend Vincent I don't know why your standing here" Tidus looked at him strangely.

"I don't care" Vincent shrugged but continued to hang out.

"Get out of here!" Tidus yelled and Vincent quickly turned the corner in embarrassment.

"Hey boys! Guess what Irving just gave me flowers" the spunky Selphie ran up conveniently after Vincent's departure.

"What Irving's after a freshman? Go figure" Baret laughed to himself.

"I don't care how old he is I gave him my number!" Selphie giggled like the foolish school girl she was.

"So you guys going to hook up or what" Tidus grinned.

Zell caught their attention as he walked by with flyers

"Yo! Rikku's throwing a party tonight but don't tell Vincent about it" Zell handed them flyers.

"Again? She just got Yuna all trashed last night; damn that Rikku is a party animal" Tidus spoke as he read the flyer.

"Hey there children passing periods already over, I doubt you want a visit from Quistis" A long hair man suggested.

"thanks for the heads up Dr. Laguna" Tidus waved as he quickly left the scene.

"By the way Irving says to meet him by the café Selphie" Zell said before throwing the peace sign as he walked off.

"Playing hookie again are we children?"

Quistis seemed to appear out of thin air and she wasted no time revealing her whip.

"NO MA'M" Tidus casted haste on himself and ran off leaving the others to get punished.

(History Class)

"I can't stand this class"

a typical reply came from Vincent who was willingly reading his history book.

"No one cares about you Vince" Rinoa reminded the ever negative Vincent.

"Hey did you guys here about what happened at Rikku's party last night!?" Squall was practically shouting all the while staring at Cloud.

"Oh yeah I heard something about Gilgamesh hooking up with Aerith" Tifa smirked.

"Your liars! Aerith would never" Cloud slammed his fist on the table shaking violently.

"Wait you mean that bitch with the flowers right? The one that pretends she's all innocent and shit? Ha-ha everyone's hit that" Tidus teased not even half serious.

"SHUT UP!" Cloud screamed but his lips were met with the cracking of a whip.

"No one screams in here except for me" Quistis admonished as she sat back down.

Cloud's eyes became glassy as he held his mouth.

"So what's this I hear about you dating some red head Tifa?" Rinoa was playing on Clouds emotions.

"My the rumors spread fast" Tifa and Rinoa giggled.

"Why does everyone hate me?" Vincent suddenly spoke out loud.

"Alright class time to answer my questions" Quistis stood up and looked in her book. "Now for question a; what do all men want?" Quistis looked up for an answer.

"Vagina" Tidus humored the class

"ok smartass that's 40 licks" Quistis cracked her whip.

"I've been hearing about some kind of party" Vincent trailed off and was once again met with silence.

"Anyways where the heck is Yuna at?" Selphie asked Tidus.

"You know how Rikku keeps influencing her, she is hung over for the first time" Tidus explained.

"This is a classroom not a chat room, now the next person that talks without my consent will receive 40 to 60 licks depending on my mood, now Rinoa read question 2" Quistis cracked her whip enforcing order.

"question 2 true or false, Ozma was born when Queen Brahne took a shit" Rinoa forced herself to read the question without laughing.

"hahaha I say so" Irving was entertained and Quistis held her forehead while looking at the ceiling.

(After School)

"Hey Roxas what you got on my 40 homie" Seifer approached him with Ryujin and Fujin.

"Do you know who I am?" Roxas responded sharply while holding on to his girlfriend.

"What do you want Seifer" Namine glared at him.

"You took Sora's lunch money, that's my bitch not yours" Seifer exclaimed to Roxas.

"I didn't take any money from Sora you dumbshit I saw him in the lunch line today" Roxas insulted him.

"You hear that Seifer, the little fucker lied to us" Ryujin instigated.

"Deception" Fujin narrowed her eyes.

"Now as you can see im trying to hang out with my lady here so go bother someone else" Roxas kept walking.

"Yeah we'll let you off this time" Seifer gloated arrogantly.

"Let me off? I whooped your ass back in elementary bitch" Roxas told Seifer off reminding him of their past encounter in twilight town.

"Don't catch a beat down" Seifer yelled at the now distant couple.

(Somewhere else)

"Hey baby this is Cloud, I just was wondering why you were absent today at school you never are usually. you haven't called me or anything I guess you must be busy ha-ha..anyway um call me back when you get this." Cloud hung up his phone with a worried face. Just then he got a text

"hey this is Yuffie why don't you ever answer your phone you dick head!? Anyway tonight I heard Aerith's going to be at Rikku's party just thought id let you know. well see you there"

Cloud was shocked Aerith already made plans for the party but she hadn't thought to call him. Cloud slowly began to realize that something was wrong he closed his phone without answering Yuffie back.

(Rikku's House)

"Im never drinking again Rikku! Lulu was right you're a bad influence" Yuna pouted as her cousin poured a shot.

"Oh come on Yunie it's always like that the first time its gets better here take a shot" Rikku handed her the glass.

"Are you sure? I don't ever want a head ache like that again" Yuna looked at her.

"Yeah go ahead it wont hurt you besides I need your help setting up this party" Rikku assured her.

"Oh alright" Yuna took a sip and began coughing

"HAHA yunie your such a light weight" Rikku teased while handing her a napkin.

"What's a light weight?" Yuna pondered while drinking up the liquor.

"You'll find out soon enough Yunie hee hee" Rikku poured herself a shot as well.

Rikku's phone began ringing she walked over and checked the caller ID in the background Yuna finished off the liquor bottle.

"hmm its Lulu wonder what she wants." She picked up the phone and greeted her.

"Rikku is Yuna still over there? I heard about last night" Lulu questioned

"last night? Oh you mean about Gilgamesh?" Rikku made Lulu chuckle slightly. "Well I heard about that too but I also heard that Yuna's been a bad girl these days is she there right now?" Lulu inquired

"Yeah she's helping me set up tonight's party." Rikku twiddle her thumbs

"She's not drinking again is she?" just then Yuna hiccupped and Rikku covered her mouth.

"Um no she's just kind of here you know. Well anyway why don't you stop by Lulu tonight's going to be hilarious" Rikku quickly changed the subject.

"Hmm guess it couldn't hurt Wakka broke his foot while he was playing sphere ball so he won't be coming"

"You mean blitz ball?" Rikku corrected.

"whatever" Lulu heard a slight snicker.

"Shut up Yunie!" Rikku whispered to the now dancing Yuna.

"What's going on over there?" Lulu questioned the two after hearing Yuna's body hit the ground.

"Listen Lulu I got to go call me when your close by" Rikku hung up before Lulu could even say bye and she ran over to Yuna.

"Quit acting stupid yunie don't tell me you're buzzing already" Rikku made her sit down.

"Im not!" Yuna pushed her back and stood up aggressively.

"Dammit Yuna I didn't say to drink it all" Rikku noticed the empty bottle of E & J "now your going to be fucked up!" she seemed more so amused than worried.

"Where's Tidey whitey!?" Yuna exclaimed while crashing into the nearby wall.

Rikku grabbed Yuna and threw her into one of her back rooms she locked the door and she could hear Yuna tearing the place apart.

"I'll let you out when everyone gets here" Rikku laughed

"I want my tidey whitey" Yuna could be heard speaking in slurs behind the door.

Rikku was tickled by her drunken cousin as she dialed Tidus' number.

"Hey Rikku Yuna better be sober" Tidus picked up on the first ring.

"Um actually get your ass over here right now Tidey whitey" Rikku teased

"Oh great let me guess" Tidus stood up and casted haste on himself in order to get dressed faster.

"You better run like the wind" Rikku pepped before hanging up.

(Back at balamb)

"Why does Kimahri have to be janitor!? This bullshit" Kimahri bitched as he cleaned the brown stained toilets.

END OF CHAPTER 1.


	2. Chapter 2: Rikku's House Party

**Dissidia Madness**

Chapter 2: Rikku's House Party

A/N: i dont own any of this junk wouldnt want to anyways. there might be a few grammar mistake i will be rediting it later bare with me here.

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Cloud entered starbucks he began shifting his head around the room.

"Over here Cloud!" a strange voice called from his right.

"There you are Cait Sith, I actually bothered to answer my messages for once since you say you've heard something about Aerith." Cloud sat down across from him.

"Hold on bitch I mean Cloud I need to grab a coffee" Cait Sith hopped off to the clerk.

Cloud was slightly flustered by his insult.

"What can I get you today" The beautiful woman asked from behind her counter.

"let me get a mocha and your number baby" Cait Sith tried to sound as smooth as possible.

"The mocha's coming up and im not some twisted fan girl im not into beastality" She began making his coffee her face never changed.

"Oh come on baby I have a human body you know" Cait tried to convince the vixen but her stone like face remained motionless

"Anything else?" She practically slung his mocha at him.

"Yeah how about your name at least" Cait begged.

"Beatrix, now if you'll excuse me I have other customers to handle" She looked over his head at her next customer.

"Bitch" he walked off crushed by rejection.

Slightly affected by his insult she flinched her hair back and held a fake smile for her next customer.

"Alright Cloud you got questions and I got answers" Cait sat down and sipped at his mocha.

"What have you heard about Aerith" Cloud seemed pensive.

"yeah so I heard some disturbing news about Aerith and Gilgamesh" Cloud looked impatient

"That's all you have to tell me?" Cloud wined while tapping his feet.

"Ok look pretty boy Aerith fucked Gilgamesh face it!"

Cait Sith instantly slew his Mocha into Cloud's face temporarily blinding him. By the time Cloud had wiped his eyes He had to watch Cait Sith make his escape through the back door having his time wasted Cloud began to get furious. A loud laughter caught his attention

"What are you laughing at!?" Cloud was pissed.

"Take a wild guess jackass" Beatrix teased and Cloud stormed out of starbucks.

(In a back alley way)

Sora walked down the long quiet path with his hands in his pockets.

"I'll show that Seifer just wait till Aladdin hears about this!"

Sora bitched out loud attracting attention to himself. Just then a man rushed him at lightning speed and began stabbing him in the stomach violently and quickly with a dagger.

"M-my ectoplasm"

Sora knocked out on the ground and the blonde haired assailant waisted no time raiding his pockets.

"Damn he's broke" The man cursed before hearing police sirens. He made his escape in the sewers.

(Freeway)

The highway was polluted with cars as the environment began to become hostile due to the rush hour.

"Hey dick head why don't you drive faster!"

Irving shouted from his car to Vincent who drove like an old lady.

"I don't care about what you think"

Vincent continued to drive at his speed despite not caring he kept his window down to hear what they were saying.

"You hear that Irving he doesn't care what we do to him" Zell shouted from the passenger side.

"haha go ahead Zell the cops aren't around"

Irving laughed his ass off already aware of what was about to happen. The two were apparently road rage veterans. Zell grabbed four apples and got a good position from Vincent before he started throwing them violently at his face

"ah what the fuck is wrong with you"

Vincent begin fish tailing after being struck in the same spot of his head three times. Zell used his last apple to spin his left wheel out of control causing him to crash.

"GO GO GO!"

Zell shouted and Irving stepped on the gas while the two laughed uncontrollably.

As they drove further ahead they got stuck in another slow paced section.

"Hey look it's Xigbar driving a ford haha what a fag"

Zell pointed. Irving made his way alongside Xigbar and Zell made hand motions for him to roll his window down.

"What the fuck do you damn teenagers want!?"

Xigbar shouted and three black girls could be seen within his car

"do you know what the five fingers said!" Zell shouted over the heavy traffic to him

"what!?"

Xigbar was confused and agitated all at the same time. Irving pulled a little closer and Zell slapped the taste out of Xigbar's mouth. The two knuckle heads drove off leaving Xigbar in the dust.

"Damn teenie boppers just wait til I catch you little fuckers" Xigbar promised himself as he loaded a gun.

(Rikku's House)

"Oh my Tidey whitey your so a shining armor knight coming for me rescue like this ahahaha im such a damsel sometimes"

Yuna slured as she staggered into his arms.

"Rikku! I thought I told you not to give her anymore drinks! she's even more fucked up then last time!" Tidus scolded.

"She drank all of the E&J while my back was turned don't blame me" Rikku dodged the responsibility.

"You mean the whole damn bottle!?" Tidus was stoked. Yuna ran out of his arms and somehow made her way outside.

"Hey tidey look I can walk a straight line"

Yuna took one step and collapsed it was not long after that she began barfing.

"Fuck someone get that bitch a breath mint" Rikku was quite buzzed herself.

Just then a black corvette pulled into Rikku's driveway. A dark haired woman stepped out holding a moogle in her hand. She looked over at the drunken Yuna

"Far too predictable, Rikku you're terrible" Lulu narrowed her eyes at the sight.

"Actually Lu its not my fault this time Yunie took it upon herself to finish off the Erk and Jerk the entire fucking bottle I only got one little shot." Rikku explained

"So your telling me that this light weight was able to down a whole bottle that quickly?" Lulu was in disbelief.

"Im not joking ask her yourself"

Rikku pointed at her cousin. Lulu approached Yuna as she stood up and wiped her mouth.

"heeeey! Lu-dog whats happening?"

Yuna was embraced by Lulu who as usual began playing with her hair and comforting her.

"Nothings happening until Gilgamesh shows up, now Yuna I want to ask you something" Lulu stopped talking when Yuna threw up all over her dress.

"Brutal" Tidus shouted and the enraged Lulu shoved Yuna to the ground.

"Easy Lulu" Rikku ran over and dragged Yuna back into the house.

"DAMMIT YUNA"

Lulu ripped her dress off revealing her sexy under garmets. Just then Cid stuck his head out the window of a near by second story

"Id love to suck on those warlocks!"

He shouted to Lulu who embarrassed, covered her chest and quickly went inside Rikku's house.

(Nighttime-Rikku's House)

The party was full of guest and peers. Axel slammed a quarter on a table successfully landing it in a cup of tequila.

"Hahaha now you have to drink Tifa!" He smiled with a sense of accomplishment.

"Oh you just want to get me drunk don't you?" Tifa drank it up following the rules to the game.

"Alright my turn"

Roxas stated and Tifa stuck her tongue out with the quarter resting on the tip he took it from her mouth while blushing. In the backyard Zell participated in a break dance contest.

"Chug Chug Chug!" Zidane and the others cheered on as Rikku downed some hard liquor.

"Hey look Laguna made It" Irving pointed as Laguna entered with a case of beer in his hand.

"Hey kids check this out" He revealed a bag of dark green weed.

"Pineapple express!" Lulu shouted right away.

"Hah how did you know, I got it from Tera and Aqua cause Garland's stuff is pretty crappy"

Laguna was surprised by Lulu's intelligence.

"Here lets get that beer cold chief" Rikku took it out of his hands and proceeded to the freezer.

"Damn whats that smell yo laguna whats good" Zell approached.

"That's the pineapple express bitch" Laguna handed him the weed and he after huffing it he immediately fell in love.

"Selphie's here she brought some of her hot friends" Irving went outside to go meet her.

"She probably brought Rinoa's ass along oh well as long as Vincent doesn't show up"

Rikku urged them all to come up stairs were Yuna was resting. Squall, Laguna, Zell, and Lulu followed Rikku to her bedroom.

Selphie was excited at the sight of Irving

"hey there cowboy" one of Selphie's friends playfully touched Irving

"hands off Ash this boy toys mine"

Selphie wrapped her self around Irving who carried her into the house pleased with their position.

"Hey wait for us" Dagger ran after the two and Ash followed.

(Rikku's bedroom)

Tidus rubbed Yuna's back as she moaned with her face in the pillow. Just then Zell kicked the door in

"Rise and shine light weight!" he took a seat and the others walked in.

"I feel like the shit stain of the earth…" Yuna raised her head a little.

"Hey Laguna you made it, did Tera give you the shit?"

Tidus greeted and Laguna tossed him the bag.

"Holy fuck screw Garland's old ass, so who knows how to roll I got a wrap!"

Tidus looked around but received no reply.

"none of you boys can roll you must be joking, how absurd hand it over" Lulu took the bag and the wrap and set down.

"Wow Lulu your just full of surprises" Laguna complimented.

"so how in the hell did you learn how to roll" Zell asked as he scratched his head.

"are you kidding? Besaid island is full of weed If you think im good you should see wakka" Lulu licked the paper finishing up quickly.

"Damn even Barets black ass couldn't roll that good" Squall joked.

"Now you know if Baret was here he'd beat your bitch ass down" Tifa said as she entered the room along with Irving and Selphie.

Squall had nothing to say in his defense.

"your just in time its all finished, of course since I rolled it im hitting it first" Lulu responded friskily as she began puffing smoke.

"take a seat cowboy" Selphie pushed Irving into the nearby chair and hopped into his laps.

"save a horse ride a cowboy eh Selphie?" Tidus teased.

"damn straight" Selphie began bouncing in his laps grinding against Irving's groin his hat shadowed over his face only a sly smile could be seen.

"Hey maybe Yunie will feel better if she smokes with us" Rikku suggested

"NO!" everyone shouted at the same time.

"I feel left out Tidey" Yuna tugged at him

"trust me Yuna you don't want this" Tidus shifted the blunt from her as she reached for it

"But I do Tidey, come on aren't you gonna spoil me just a tiny bit" she began rubbing his chest to win him over.

"don't say I didn't warn you" he handed her the blunt and she sloppily placed her mouth over it.

"Don't get it all wet kiddo, just inhale it lightly" Lulu watched Yuna's amateur performance.

Immediately after inhaling it Yuna began coughing heavily

"Yuck" She held her throat

"give me that you silly white girl!" Zell snatched the blunt from Yuna

Just then the door burst open as Cait Sith came charging in

"Aerith and Gilgamesh just showed up" Cait reported to Rikku.

"haha, tell them to wait in the other guest room and keep a look out for that ass face Cloud" Rikku ordered and Cait Sith ran off.

"Dad let me have 20 dollars I wanna buy some flowers for Rinoa" Squall begged Laguna

"Hell no, that's like giving you a whole blunt from my stash, you better get a job bitch" Laguna was cold.

"But Rinoa's gonna have a kid soon" Squall argued.

"Yeah? Bullshit your just trying to copy Zidane. Here's and idea mc donalds is hiring SEED students." Laguna advised as he smoked.

"I let that bitch Yuffie borrow my vibrator she should've been here by now!" a loud voice reached them from downstairs

"lets go check it out Irving" Zell suggested

"You can go do that bullshit as you can see im occupied" Irving wrapped his arms around Selphie's waist.

(Down Stairs)

"Hey guys check out the news Sora got shanked!" Baret turned up the volume.

"tonight at 9pm a little boy was rushed to the hospital with minor knife injuries. The little boy says that his assailant had short blonde hair and a monkey tail" the new reporter leaked.

Zidane watch from the corner as he tucked his tail around his waist.

"hmm.. blonde hair and a tail" Aerith looked over at Zidane who appeared calm.

"Zidane did you shank Sora?" Roxas confronted him immediately.

"I might've done something like that" Zidane answered honestly.

"Well if you fuck with him again you'll have to deal with me if he dies so do I jackass" Roxas admonished.

"Roxas I'd like to see you try. I have a reason for doing it" Zidane urged to explain.

"Why in the fuck did you shank him, not that anyone cares but I mean come on dude" Rinoa consulted him as well.

"You see I just turned 18 last year Garnet's gonna be 17 soon but you know she's jail bait."

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Roxas lifted an eye brow.

"Listen you little jack fuck, Garnet just had my kid and now im wanted for statutory rape. So we're on the run now and we've been jacking people to stay alive, Garnet turned out to be quite the thief just as I thought." Zidane told them.

Rikku over heard as she came downstairs with the others.

"Well your sort of doing him a favor at least no one can punk him in the hospital" Tifa added.

"Just don't turn me in and ill hook you guys up with some Gyashi Greens" Zidane bargained.

"I love Chocobos Alright you got yourself a deal." Rikku agreed.

"more importantly Cloud will be here soon people im gonna teach him a lesson he'll never forget" Gilgamesh reminded them.

"I feel kind of bad for slinging mocha in his face" Cait Sith confessed.

"Don't worry Cait Sith if anything he deserves it" Aerith spoke negatively about Cloud.

"yeah I know im just fucking with you guys haha I'd do it again if I got the chance" Cait joked.

(Side Streets)

Cloud cruised on his motorcycle ignoring several phone calls as he progressed. One text caught his attention from an unknown number. he dialed the number.

"Hello?"

"Who is this"

"you called me bitch you best not piss me off""

"T-this is Cloud"

"oh Cloud its your boy Cid!"

"which one?"

"You know who this is dick breath! Well I just texted to tell you that Gilgamesh fucked your girl friend bwahahahahaha"

"no your lying Aerith is totally into me" Cloud was still in denial.

"aha ha, have a good day Cloud" Cid concluded before hanging up. Cloud arrived at the site parking next to Lulu's car his eyes burned with determination.

Near his motorcycle Auron appeared.

"A little sugar never hurt anyone"

He began pouring a bag of powder into Clouds gas tank.

(Rikku's House)

"Alright I got one, why did the chicken cross the road" Zell questioned.

"Just say why idiot" Lulu demanded impatiently.

"Cause there were some hungry looking Niggas across the street." Everyone laughed except Baret.

"you better quit while your ahead cracker" Baret warned Zell.

"It's just jokes man"

"I don't give a fuck"

A knock on the door caught their attention. Rikku looked through the keyhole.

"It's him. Gilgamesh go upstairs."

Rikku opened the door and gave Cloud a warm smile.

"Hey Cloud! How've you been buddy I can never get a hold of you you must have your phone on vibrate all the time" Rikku greeted.

"where's Aerith" he simply asked.

"why don't you come in" Rikku opened the door and step aside.

He walked in and Rikku glared at him from behind. Everyone made the situation awkward by silently staring at Cloud. Aerith stepped forward and Cloud looked at her with hopeful eyes.

"Baby whats been going on?" Cloud grabbed her by the shoulders.

"what do you care? Your always thinking about yourself" Aerith spoke coldly and he looked at her in disbelief.

"So you fucked him!? Huh tell me did you!?" Cloud shook her before she pushed him back causing him to stagger into a nearby table.

"Yeah I fucked Aerith… twice" Gilgamesh made his way down stairs locking eyes with Cloud.

"Ooooh you hear that you better fight him Cloud" Baret instigated.

"tell me it isn't true Aerith" Cloud even now was still in denial.

"Stop dreaming." Aerith held Gilgamesh as he came to her side.

"oh man looks like Cloud got dumped" Squall spoke loudly from behind him.

"How could you Aerith!? Were supposed to be one" Cloud yelled in a shaking voice.

"How could you?" Gilgamesh pointed at him.

"What? What are you talking about im innocent!" Cloud declared.

Gilgamesh removed his costume revealing his true self.

"Your pathetic Cloud" the familiar voice striked fear into his heart.

"Z-ZACK but how?" Cloud fell to his knees.

"I had to buy Gilgamesh's suit off of him for disguise or Shinra would've had my ass. Then I come back to see my woman and I find you cooped up with her" Zack crossed his hands.

"But I thought you were dead, I was just following your legacy" Cloud made excuses for himself.

"I said you were my living legacy all that means is that you're the looser that tells everyone about MY greatness not yours you fucking idiot. I didn't say to go fuck my girl friend either" Zack approached him.

"so that's it huh, you leave me for him just like that?" Cloud shouted to Aerith.

"I only fucked you because you reminded me of Zack, your like the only person that doesn't know that" Aerith shook her head as her peers laughed.

"how does it feel to be second best Cloud? Must be painful but I cant say im feeling sympathetic" Tifa stood over him smiling erectly.

"and now im going to kick your ass" Zack cracked his knucles as the party formed a circle around the two.

"throw down! Oh man Vivi's missing out" Zidane was amused.

Zack hopped around the space ready to drop Cloud.

"I don't want to fight you Zack" Cloud said sternly.

"Then don't."

Zack delivered a punch to Cloud's face breaking his nose. He fell to the ground but quickly darted outside. The crowd including Zack chased him outside. Cloud made his way to his motorcycle only looking to escape.

"Dammit start! What could possibly be wrong!?" Cloud cried as he failed to escape.

Zack punched him again getting him on the ground once more. He kicked him violently as the crowd cheered him on.

"Oh shit Drive-by!!!" Zell shouted and everyone left Cloud for dead as bullets flew by the scene.

Most of them left all together while others escaped into Rikku's house. A black car was responsible pulling up next to Cloud.

"get up" Xigbar stood over his body.

" I think you've got the wrong guy fool"

Xaldin called from behind wearing a red bandana on his head signaling his involvements which looked awfully odd in his organization outfit.

"blonde spikey hair yeah this is him for sure. He slapped me in the face" Xigbar picked him up by his collar.

"Lets beat his ass then" Xaldin whistled and Mr. Biggs arrived with brass knuckles on along with Reno.

Just then Cloud regained conciousness.

"no! wait!!!" He shouted far too late.

"someones gotta take the fall ya know?" Reno started things off by bitch slapping Cloud.

It was not long after that the 4 jumped him leaving his beaten up body behind.

"not another one" A female appeared and carried Cloud away.

(Rikku's House)

"Cloud got a 3 course ass beating" Ash chuckled along with Rinoa and Selphie.

"your soooo late Auron!" Rikku put her hands on her hips

"I was handling some sugar business" Auron stated.

"why do you keep your hand in your shirt like that, its called a cast you dumb fuck" Squall bagged on Auron.

"whatever you say harry potter" Auron retaliated.

"So are you gonna cheer me up or what?" Rikku put her hands behind Auron's neck

He waisted no time carrying her upstairs.

"Tidus watch the house for me" Rikku managed to say just before her door shut.

"Aye aye captain" Tidus complied before downing his beer.

"Alright guys im taking off see you tomorrow at balamb if you make it exams are next week" Laguna waved.

"Wait laguna, can you give me Aqua's number" Lulu asked.

"sure thing princess" He made her smirk slightly.

"Don't be a stranger" she shook his hand after receiving the number.

"why don't you come by my office tomorrow after school" Laguna flirted.

"don't tempt me" Lulu gave him a lusty stare her resistance was weak.

"suit yourself pretty lady" Laguna came closer he caressed her earring making her blush before he made his graceful exit.

"Kweh!?" a chocobo responded to the Gyashi greens that Zidane used to summon it.

"aw its so cute look Tidey!" Yuna was once again drunk she made her way over to the bird with poor balance.

"Kweh?" it seemed frightened by her disposition.

"its ok birdy here have some brandy" Yuna poured hard liquor in a bowl and placed it on the ground for the chocobo.

"well there goes my ride home" Zidane shrugged as the bird began cosuming the alcohol.

Auron came down stairs only in his pants.

"alright everyone get the fuck out of here now!" Auron demanded before heading back upstairs quickly.

"KWEEEH!!!!"

The drunken chocobo ran out the front door free to roam the world intoxicated.

End of chapter 2


End file.
